wintry reflections

seasonal pondering as I curse the rain

A picture I took while waiting at the bus stop yesterday during a brief respite from the rain.

As the days get shorter and the nights stretch wide, something changes in me. Something I can’t exactly put into words, but if you had a gun to my head and I just had to answer, I would say melancholy, sadness, despair, even. I would say a loneliness so profound that I can’t even begin to claw my way out of it.

You see, ever since I was 11 (I can’t remember if it happened before this but I’m guessing not), my fingers and toes would swell at the barest hint of chill in the air. And they would stay swollen well into the Spring. Nothing would help, not ointments that are supposed to help, not soaking them in hot water with as much salt as possible, and certainly not gloves or socks.

While everyone else around me would go on their merry way, not caring about having to dip their hands in water for anything, I, on the other hand, would dread every time I had to do it.

Hence, winters were miserable for me during my teenage years, the years when you usually form an opinion and an understanding of how things are.

And my opinion on Winter was it could go to hell for all I cared. Maybe everyone has the wrong idea about hell, perhaps it isn’t hot and fiery. Possibly it’s cold, the kind you can feel down to your bones, and maybe it always snows.

Some would call that paradise but as you already know, it’s my idea of hell.

As I left my teen years behind though, I haven’t had the swelling problem. For the last 7-8 years, I haven’t been tortured by it, thankfully.

And despite that grace, my opinion on Winter hasn’t changed. It’s still cold as hell here on my side of the world and I still hate it with all my might.

However, that doesn’t mean Winter doesn't come with its perks.

The feeling of getting into bed with warm blankets is possibly the best in the world, at least for winter xD

When you pick up a hot cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, it seems like it isn’t so bad after all.

Having soup is also an altogether different kind of experience, the warmth that hits makes winters seem bearable.

Wearing a thick cozy sweater or a jacket that makes you feel warmed through to the point that it feels like the cold isn’t even there is also one of the top things I love about winter.

But rain in winter? Now that’s something I just might hate more than winter itself.

Walking in the middle of the road as you come home from work because the sides are just huge puddles of water while “Ilaahi” blasts out of your earbuds is probably the most quintessential desi experience. The song and the point of origin might differ but I stand by my statement.

I still remember the time when I was doing an internship and used to get free at 7 PM. It was thick of winters and I was already so overwhelmed by everything that had changed about my life as soon as I entered corporate. I had no time for myself, I was stressed about everything, had to travel like 1-2 hours to get to work, and just so much more. Then one evening, I got caught in the rain and as soon as I reached home I felt so miserable that I just started crying while my family members asked me what was wrong. And all I could reply was “I got wet.” It felt so funny and so exhausting at the same time.

I should also mention I’m not a fan of Summers either. Which is also why, I kinda want to settle in a place that doesn’t have either of these seasons in the extreme. Where it feels like autumn all the time because that’s my favorite time of the year. 🕯️🕯️🕯️

I just love those perfect autumn days when there is no need to shield yourself from the harsh sun or the bitter cold. It's in these days when I'm neither sweating profusely nor chilled to my bones, that I feel most at peace with the world around me. These fleeting weeks of perfect balance between seasons remind me what comfort truly feels like. Maybe that's why autumn is my most favorite - it's the rare time when I can simply be and not have to worry about feeling the cold or the hot summer sun.

Leaving you with this question: Which season is your favorite? :)