Life of Niharika lately!

Heartbreak, existential-crisis and more...

Hello!

Long time, no see, I know. I hope you didn’t miss me too much ;)

I didn’t forget I had a substack but I just haven’t felt like posting in so long that it kinda fell through. I started posting here because I didn’t want to be posting on Instagram and then I did start posting a bit on Instagram again and stopped here entirely.

I remembered this account again when a colleague shared his substack with me. A lot less personal, and very technical but yes, it made me miss my own.

So here I am again. Again not posting on Instagram even though I have reactivated all my accounts again. Oh yeah, I deactivated my Insta accounts for almost a month. I reactivated the bookstagram only because I want to unhaul books but then me being me, life happened (and hasn’t stopped happening, I kinda wish it would stop being so “happening” for just a little bit. Let me breathe, man!) and I haven’t had the courage to even post a ‘hey, I’m back’ story! Because am I really back? I don’t think so.

Just thinking about the unhaul is so exhausting even though I’ve already done the work of picking out books and deciding the price. To be fair, it will only be more work once I post the books since then it’ll be all about managing payments and all those entries and then shipping the books. So, I’ll get to that…when I don’t feel quite so shitty anymore. But if you’re reading this and you’re an Indian resident, feel free to reach out if you’re interested!

So! Life lately, huh? Let’s see what I can tell you haha.

• not only am I swamped with work currently, I’ve also been working six days a week for most of last month and this. I’m so tired, I can feel my body shutting down as soon as the clock strikes 8.

• going through something horrible at the moment that I never in a million years thought I would have to go through in any ‘permanent’ sense. It feels so different, so final this time. I keep hoping it’s anything but that, but alas, doesn’t seem likely. I know I’m being cryptic but I also know you know exactly what I mean. If we’re close or have ever been at some point, give me a call or a text, would you? I really need all the friends I can get, please, and thank you <3

• I have also been having semi-consistent therapy sessions and it has honestly been such a help to just tell someone everything and have all my feelings validated. Go to therapy if you can, folks! It truly does wonders.

• If you’re someone who knows me from Instagram, then you must also know I’ve been having health issues for a while now. (For a loooooong while, if I do say so myself) One of those things is lifelong and I would have to contend with it all my life but I’ve a surgery scheduled for the other thing in a week. It’s a major surgery but it’s pretty common. I’m absolutely terrified of it and I honestly hate that this is the time everything has decided to go to shit in my life. I know, something is always going to shit in my life, multiple things one after the other but this time, everything feels so shitty that sometimes I just can’t breathe thinking about it all.

• Also feeling very meh about my career at this point. I want to do something I enjoy!!! But then I do enjoy coding!! Sometimes!! When it is something new and exciting and working out!!! Ugh. I just seriously need to think about where to go from here or actually put some serious effort into writing if that’s what I want someday. Someone, please come scream at me about it. PLEASE!

Some highlights:

• Taking walks in the park

• Having a room all to myself so I can cry myself to sleep, drink, dance, play loud music and basically whatever I want! When can I have this permanently, God? WHEN??????

• Picking Amlas (gooseberry) right from the tree, handing one to my friend from work, and eating them together. She honestly took one bite and threw it away but alas!!

• Rain-soaked trees, leaves laden with raindrops, cold breeze, and a sense of calm no matter how short-lived.

• Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and realizing it’s the only time I laugh these days.

• Dressing up and looking my best no matter how I’m feeling inside. It’s an art ;)

• This cow and some birds I found having a meeting in this farm.

Okay, I think that’s it, folks. I know it says “Bookish Life of Niharika” and there’s nothing at all bookish about this one but bear with me, okay? I’m having a tough time with life at this point, so I’m not sorry!! I’ll also look into changing the name to something more neutral and encompassing all that I am. But that too, like everything in my life rn, later.

Please, please take care of yourselves, loves! You’re the only one you got. <3